The worst sport

they almost gave me an award for beIng nIce. well I couldn't stand for that, now could I? here's how I publIshed my fIrst book to prevent an award Instead of to wIn one.

early 2026

the games begIn

In early 2026 I joIned a league for a tabletop game called "Guild Ball." to be honest, I stIll can't descrIbe It to you. you move lIttle plastIc men around (not all of them are even cute. or men.) and you score goals and beat up other plastIc people. I was a lIttle... lIght on socIal InteractIon at the tIme, but everyone seemed quIte taken wIth me.

Early in the league

Jeromy ruIns everythIng

everythIng was goIng so well untIl my coach JEROMY kept tryIng to gIve me a good sportsmanshIp award. I kept tellIng hIm that I am evIL and a vIllIan, but he would not lIsten, even If I only pushed In a few of the chaIrs after the game.

desperate tImes called for desperate measures.

the next few months

a hIdden plot

there was only one resonable solutIon.

go home, wrIte, Illustrate, and publIsh an entIre book about beIng a bad sport so I could show up wIth sIgned copIes before the league ended and prevent an award that would ruIn my Infamy forever!

I kept the entIre thIng under wraps. the book was ten chapters over a 90 page manuscrIpt. almost every page had a drawIng. they had to know I was serIous, rIght?

may 2026

the moment of truth

I had done It! I got the book publIshed and brought sIgned copIes to the league. and everyone was...happy? I was tryIng to be evIl, but It seemed lIke my scheme actually... meant somethIng to these people who were... defInItely my rIvals and not my frIends. actually... the story In the book sort of... meant somethIng to me. I dIdn't mean for It to. but I ended up wrItIng a story that was sort of about cheatIng, but also sort of about wantIng to wIn to feel Important, not beIng wIllIng to admIt that what you actually want Is frIendshIp, and goIng under the guIse of vIllIany to make some genuIne connectIons.

huh.

The aftermath

keep up the schemes

I realIzed I had accomplIshed a lIfelong dream wIthout realIzIng It. I had always wanted to publIsh a book.

Guild Ball players In other states bought my book.

the game store sold copIes.

a local book store sold copIes.

an out of state book stand sold copIes.

and everyone was... happy?

I even went on a podcast to talk about my book!

even though I was the second worst In the league, I guess I dId wIn somethIng afterall.

you can fInd out where to buy my book on the shop page.

keep cheatIng. ...frIend.